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RQG 56 - Trench Coat Capers
Summary The Rangers try to work out whether to take on Le Gourmand, or escape Paris with Oscar Wilde. Some people want to have a chat with Mr. Wilde, and things get... tense. Synopsis Wilde and the party are facing some combatants. Everyone, apart from Bertie, notices two sinister-looking figures in front of them; they’re wearing full, tatty overcoats, wide-brimmed hats, and Hamid notices they seem slightly mis-proportioned. The figure at the far end of the street steps out, and speaks gutter French, asking to speak with Wilde. Wilde says they need to leave now; the figures are from Le Gourmand, and then Hamid casts Magic Missile. During combat, the two figures move in a strange way that isn’t completely human. It’s later revealed that they are not two figures, but four gnomes, with two standing on the others’ shoulders. The gnomes are dressed in full combat gear and seem to be professionals, looking to capture Wilde. They drop what looks like a barbed gag over Wilde’s mouth, in an attempt to stop him spellcasting. None of the gnomes are speaking to each other audibly, but they all seem to be working cohesively together. The gnomes all turn invisible and attack. Wilde is unconscious, the party has Tanglefoot bags thrown at them and they all become entangled, and the episode ends. Quotes ALEX: Bertie, you see two people. That's the sum total—there are two people on this street as well as us. BRYN: Which two hasn't he noticed? Hamid and Sasha? ALEX: Y'know what, we can, we can randomly determine, oh, Bertie doesn't know he's there. JAMES, as''' BERTIE': I'm if anything the most noticeable. I think, therefore I am. Ah! The nightmare of existence! - '''BEN:' Just open their trench coat and thousands of rats appear! LYDIA: Or just like one very tall spider that's using like six of the legs to do magic tricks. JAMES: Wow, it's a spider that's, like, quite shy and so needs a coping mechanisms at parties. - BRYN: Good rolling people! I mean apart from Zolf. BEN: I beats the usual three I guess. LYDIA: He's got sea legs, it's still ... he's on land, it must be wobbly. - BEN: I've got Inflict Moderate Wounds so, I will walk up to One LYDIA: Trudge, trudge, trudge, trudge, trudge ... ALEX: Poke. BEN, as ZOLF: Sod off. JAMES: Wow. Poké-gnome. Go. - BEN: Why are all our enemies so sarcastic? All of them! None of them are like, "oop! That was—", they're all like "Oh, bless." BRYN: It's almost like they're all run by the same slightly irritating little nerd. ALEX: Hey what can I say, what can I say, y'know what I'm, I'm okay to— LYDIA: Bryn only says that because he knows that he's a big nerd. BEN: He only says that because he missed with the Scorching Ray and he's really salty about that. BRYN: I'm really upset about that! - BEN: Also, that will teach that gnome for trying to slash with a piercing weapon. Don't swing a rapier! BRYN: Good point. Good point well made. BEN: You idiot gnome! - BRYN: Ah I see, so we can't hit them, and they can't hit us. This will lead to a short and intense, exciting fight! - LYDIA: My Acrobatics plus is eleven, so it's gonna be really hard to fail. ALEX: Welcome to why when we were discussing this I was going "that is slightly OP but I'll allow it", she's going "it's not that OP ... "—your Acrobatics is plus eleven! - ALEX: Wilde, who got a penalty to his action because of what was going on, takes a Fort. save, and fails. BRYN: Fort. save against poison maybe? BEN: Horrible gag poison. ALEX: He immediately drops prone. BEN, as ZOLF: Thanks Wilde, you've been ever so helpful. - BEN: I'm just a man! I'm just a man with watery legs! - LYDIA: With just, with the power of humiliation. ALEX: Shame is a very powerful ally. BEN, as ZOLF: I take it you're the clown of the posse? - BRYN: If he rises from prone you get an attack of op., so ... and you have a weapon now. BEN: That's true actually ... yeah, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just threaten them, that's basically it. BRYN: I love it—he falls over, you steal his sword, he gets back up, you stab him with it. - ALEX: You take half damage! BRYN: She's got Evasion, she takes no damage! You duck the fireball! ALEX: And you were all like, "aw Evasion? Rubbish!" You just dodged a full explosion by going, "ooh that looks a bit much", and then just kind of ... didn't get hit. BEN: I'll hide behind this piece of string I have! - BEN: So angry right now, Bryn. I am very angry. He just swapped the dice out again because obviously that one's broken. - ALEX: The one who is beside Zolf, on the floor, rolls away for five feet. BEN: Ha ha—oh he takes a five foot roll ... nerd. ALEX: However, because Pathfinder is Pathfinder, he can't stand up, because that's a full round action. BEN: Ah I'm just gonna follow him around the battlefield! JAMES: Just kicking him lightly. BEN: Where you goin'? What you doin'? What you doin'? - ALEX: Roll well. BEN: Uh no, I refuse. JAMES: You can't tell me what to do, you're not my real mum! I can roll as poorly as I like! ALEX: There's some people you just can't help. - LYDIA: Just a little nick on his shoulder, almost a friendly ... BEN: Something to remember me by. ALEX: Again, and again, and again, and again and I stab and I stab and I stab— - BRYN: Twelve, that's an eighteen on a ranged touch attack! ALEX: It is a hit! BRYN: Oh boy. ALEX: How much damage are we dealing? LYDIA: Oh my gosh ... oh my word. BRYN: Twenty three damage! Hello boys, the Sorcerer has arrived! - ALEX: You actually did amazingly well in an attempt to turn over a car using only your face. - BEN: Ooh that's not bad, um, that's a 19! That's not a 19, it's a 17, plus 2, it's a 19 accidentally, yay! ALEX: That's a hit, I'm glad we went on that roller coaster journey! BEN: That's what it's like to be me! Uh ... f-four? Four. ALEX: Stop. Giving me numbers with questions marks, this is, this is not an okay way of functioning! - ALEX: You're so casual. For the whole thing it's just been like "I'm doing amazingly well, ha ha, ha ha, take that, have at you, ha ha." - BEN: Right, I'm gonna do a Heal check to find out how his poison's going, uh what, what the crack is. ALEX: Go for it. BEN: Balls. ALEX: That's, that's not what it is, that is a misdiagnosis. BEN: Still a, still a 14. ALEX: It turns out he, he, he does not have a serious case of the disease known as balls. Dice rolls and Mechanics Everyone makes a perception check in advance of the fight: Bertie gets a 5, Hamid gets a 24, Sasha gets an 11, Zolf gets a 12. Everyone makes a perception check to see what’s draped over Wilde’s head: Zolf gets 23, Hamid gets 24, Sasha gets 15. Combat Breakdown Initiative: Hamid gets a 21, Zolf gets a 10, Sasha gets a 22, Bertie gets a 20. Hamid gets a surprise round and casts Magic Missile at the two assailants (one beam hits each). He does 5 damage to the one at the far end, and 2 damage to the closer one. Sasha runs at the one at the end and tumbles through his square (rolls 30 on Acrobatics) before sneak attacking the figure. Rolls a 12 on the attack, misses. Hamid casts Scorching Ray at the one in front of him; the fire comes slightly from his mouth. Rolls a 13 on the flat-footed touch attack, it misses. Bertie takes a 5-foot step and attacks the figure in front of Hamid. Rolls a 17, it misses. The figure is still moving weirdly. The figure in front (referred to as Number 1) separates in the middle – it is two gnomes standing on top of each other. The one on top flips and lands next to the one on bottom. Two more figures appear behind Wilde. Zolf goes to one and casts Inflict Moderate Wounds. Rolls a natural 1, misses. The second figure turns into two gnomes. One of them flips to land behind Sasha. Succeeds on the acrobatics check. Misses the attack and drops their rapier. The gnome below Sasha also misses the attack. Sasha tumbles over the gnome on the roof, succeeds on the Acrobatics check with a 21. Misses the attack with a 4. Wilde fails a fortitude save and drops prone. Hamid backs off, casts Magic Missile. Targets the gnome Zolf missed with both beams. Gnome takes 8 damage total. Bertie attacks the one immediately in front of him. Rolls a 17 on the attack, misses. The two that attacked Wilde turn on Zolf. The first tumbles to directly behind Zolf, critically fails the roll. Zolf gets an attack of opportunity and misses the attack with a 5. The gnome ends up next to Zolf, prone. The other gnome hits, deals 5 damage. Zolf grabs the rapier from the other gnome – successfully disarms them, rolling a 21. Threatens them. Gnome in front of Sasha tumbles over them, fails their acrobatics check. Sasha takes an attack of opportunity, rolls a 17 on the attack and misses. The lower gnome successfully tumbles, takes an attack, and misses. Sasha tumbles away from the gnomes – makes the acrobatics check with a 22- and avoids the attack of opportunities. She successfully throws a bomb with a roll of 18, does 8 damage to the gnome who was damaged and 2 splash damage to the one who wasn’t. The car explodes. Sasha makes a reflex save to halve damage, successfully makes the check by rolling a 23, and uses Evasion to fully dodge it. Both of the gnomes are prone and took a decent amount of damage. Wilde cannot do anything. Hamid casts Magic Missile at the gnome in front of Zolf, does 6 damage. Bertie rolls to hit the same gnome as before, rolls a 15 on the attack, misses, and swears at the gnome. Both the gnomes near Bertie drop their rapiers and draw composite bows. The gnome next to Zolf rolls away for a five-foot step. The gnome squaring off against Zolf and stabs, just makes the attack roll. Zolf takes 2 damage. Zolf takes a five-foot step toward the one on the floor, still threatening him, and casts Icicle on the one who stabbed him. Misses the attack. The gnome in front of Sasha whistles, takes his full action to stand up. Sasha rolls to hit and makes it with a 21, deals damage (how much is not stated). Wilde rolls over. Hamid casts Scorching Ray on the gnome that he hit with Magic Missile, rolls an 18 and hits, deals 23 damage. The gnome is down. Bertie takes a step forward and attacks the gnome in front of him, rolls a 24 on the attack, deals 14 damage. The gnome Bertie didn’t attack tumbles on top of the vehicle and shoots at Hamid, misses on the attack. The gnome Bertie hit flips on top of the vehicle and misses, Bertie takes the attack of opportunity and hits on a 20, dealing 14 damage. The gnome is down. The other gnome whistles again. The gnome in front of Zolf pulls out a bottle and drinks. Zolf misses the attack of opportunity, and the gnome turns invisible. Zolf attacks the gnome that turned invisible, hits the gnome with a 18 and deals 2 damage. Leans on the rapier. One of the gnomes that exploded runs around the corner. Gnome in front of Sasha flips away successfully, makes a beeline toward Wilde. Sasha charges the gnome going after Wilde, hits with a 22 and deals 2 damage. Wilde is having a lovely time. Hamid goes to stand next to Wilde and casts Scorching Ray on the gnome that shot at him and missed. Successfully hits with a 20 on the attack, does 13 damage. Bertie attacks the gnome on top of the carriage and charges at the carriage to knock it over and crush the gnome. Rolls a 9, crashes into the car. The gnome on top of the car pulls a bottle out, drinks it, and turns invisible. The invisible gnome in front of Zolf pulls away from the rapier. Zolf takes a five-foot step to stab the visible one in the face. Successfully makes a hit with a 19, deals 4 damage. The gnome that dropped the rapier turns invisible. The gnome squaring off against Zolf tumbles onto a vehicle, fails the check and both Sasha and Zolf get an attack of opportunity. Zolf misses with a 16, Sasha misses with a 17. Gnome drinks an invisibility potion. Sasha goes to pull Wilde’s gag off, successfully disables the device with rolling a 15. Wilde doesn’t respond. Hamid casts Mage Armor on Wilde. Bertie cuts off the ear on the gnome lying on the ground near the exploded car. Zolf will grab the prone gnome and drag him over to Wilde. Sasha pours a Cure Light Wounds potion down Wilde’s throat – he gets 5 HP back. Hamid casts Mage Armor on Zolf. Bertie gets a 3 on a perception check – slams the gnome headfirst through the car. Zolf does a heal check on Wilde, gets a 14. Not sure what the poison is. Four readied actions go off – 4 attacks. Nat 20 hit on Bertie. They throw Tanglefoot Bags at all four of them: everyone is hit. Zolf uses Freedom of Movement to not be hit. The party all make reflex saves: Bertie gets a 15, Zolf gets an 8, Sasha gets a 17, Hamid gets a 15. None of them get glued to the floor. All of them are entangled, however. Plot Notes Category:Episode Category:Season 2